Room Two Two Eight
A Fan On A Soapbox. Thoughts And Photos? They're Mine Unless Otherwise Noted. If You Have An Opinion, Let's Hear It...But Be Polite.
Wednesday, November 19, 2025
Room 43 - Eye Exams
Monday, October 13, 2025
Return Zero
It started innocently enough. Replying to an online ad about a temporary-one weekend job working at New York Comic Con. It was a, "meh" job at first, one I hadn't planned on expanding upon.
Still, I applied for it again next year and began and incredible journey that ended Sunday night, October 12th, 2025, after 15 years of walking the halls of convention centers from New York City to Chicago.
Time, and mainly my body, dictated it for me. I'd like to continue, but going into this year, i'd told myself, and been told by many others, to, "listen to your body."
Well, mid-way through Sunday's shift, my body had made its decision, and with mass amounts of pain, I came to the conclusion that I simply cannot do it anymore.
For years now, as my Parkinson's symptoms increased, i'd push through them and soldier on, trying to set an example for my fellow con crew, most notable the newer, younger ones, who, at times, showed a lackadaisical, careless approach to the job. I wanted to show them that sometimes you have to work through the pain.
Don't get me wrong, it was fun, but it was still work. Work I took seriously. Whether it be corralling a line of hundreds, eager to see Chris Evans, or helping direct a lost con-goer to the right booth for that toy they were looking for. I tried, and hopefully succeeded in doing the job, and doing it well.
I'll always wonder what happened to that guy and his friend in the wheelchair. I wonder if the friend ever got better.
What I didn't expect at first was the ever growing family of friends i'd develop from all of this. People who would shape my life in so many different ways. The staff leads that i'd work under, and eventually become one of, offered me guidance and encouragement that I still utilize.
The kid from the west coast who lives the life of a roadie, all pretty much in NYC. Her affinity for cat-sitting is matched only by warmth and kindness she has for her friends. Fiercely loyal, she has talked me off many a proverbial ledge, and her friendship has been one of the few constants that has endured throughout the years. her boisterous laugh is eclipsed only sometimes by her Squee of excitement.
The man who took me under his wing and helped form me into a seasoned, well trained veteran is one who simply doesn't know what the word, "rest," means. This guy who, at least in our sector of the universe, coined the term, "Con-Life." This man gives with no thought of reward other than to see the smile that comes with one of his much-loved bear hugs. He instantly makes the energy level go up. You want to work for simply because you feed off his happiness.
The man from the bellows of New Jersey who says some of the most uncouth things, and follows it up with something so eloquent and from the heart that it will make your head spin. Despite his often dark attire, his positive attitude is like a ray of sunshine.
The "Crew-Mom" from Queens who isn't afraid to call out others on their nefarious ways, but has the heart and soul of of a dove, and yes, that is a bird watching pun.
There's the, "Salty-Cow," who once trudged through Lower Manhattan for hours with me just to get a good photo. I still remember how good that gelato tasted. Her legs often feel the aches and pains associated with her love of soccer, yet she still uses them to walk the halls of cons nationwide.
The guy who gave up all sense of sanity to drive to and from Chicago with me, and loves baseball probably more than a roomful Yogi Berra impersonators. You shall forever more be known as, "No-Photos Guy."
The man I nicknamed "Hightower," after a "Police Academy character. His broad shoulders are outweighed by his massive capacity for empathy. He like me often, "threatened retirement." I only hope he finds as much peace as he seeks.
And to the one who visited me in the hospital, which while not my sole memory of, one of the most notable...aside from her effervescent, always smiling attitude, she lights up every room she's in, and she just married her ultimate match. May your days from here on out be filled with happiness.
To the snack queen who always made sure we were fed, and always made movie night...or day...a extra special treat.
The crazed theater girl from Long Island, whose sometimes manic energy is something I wish I had in me. Despite us being equal in age, she has the stamina of a 10 year old on a sugar rush.
Then we have the girl from Washington D.C. Yes, that one. She would be the one who drove me mad in both good ways and bad. Never vanilla, never boring, always keeping me on my toes. I didn't think I truly knew what, "Chaotic Good." meant till I met you. I'll never look at an oscilloscope the same way ever again...and wherever you are, I hope the Quinoa is palatable.
So many people, so many faces.
From Chicago, a man of such passion and goodness, yet so humble he simply can't realize how much good he brings into the world, and when he tells a story, everyone stops and listens, and not simply because his accent is like butter, but because deep care he has when he tells it.
Another Chicagoan who, at first, I had a completely different opinion of, and showed me, very fast, that people are not always who you think they are, and that is a good and powerful thing, and even though, i'm not his first favorite Jedi anymore, i'll always be his favorite voice on the radio, K.
While on the topic of friends from the midwest, I shouldn't leave out the girl who brought me donuts, smiles and the infamous, "list of good and bad people."
The crazed cat owner who supplied for the feline family by driving an Uber and deeply enjoying New York Pizza, despite hailing from the Second City.
The list is seemingly endless, of those who have come into and out of my life during this time.
There were the guys from New England, who, like a pair of overly zealous bouncers, enjoyed being in the thick of a massive crowd of angry, frothing geeks.
The one who was among the first to learn of my diagnosis, yet pushed me to do a challenge that, while it didn't end exactly the way I wanted it, led me on another path to meeting some of the most important people in my life. I don't think she realizes what good she did.
The one boss who became a friend that expanded my skills as a photographer all in one epic year. Now retreated into the gardens of Connecticut to a simpler life of family. I hope the coffee sleeve collection is still going strong.
My second "Con-mom," who probably doesn't know how much a simple phone call meant to me, and the one who had the best exit, complete with a crew shirt that saw many a signature. I'm still waiting for that radio story.
To The guy who gave me power, despite barely knowing what I could have done with it, and trusted the keys to a crazy guy from Staten Island.
The insane mad scientist in the making who loved to climb things, and never did think the lemon joke was that good.
And the girl who went from fake tanks to real tanks when she decided to fly helicopters and get shot at instead of discus who would win in a fight, Batman or Wolverine?
From the guy in the hat, to the girl with the Google glasses.
From D.C. again, now in Jersey...a guy who won't let a building locking down stop him from his mission of ensuring a good time is had by all.
The other guy from Queens who would become one of the best cosplay photographers in the city.
even the person who couldn't quite make the best of final Jeopardy.
And to the two girls from L.A., who most recently made this geeks Con-Career that much more powerful, I owe you a lot, and will not forget how much you helped me recently.
You and countless untold others will be part of some of the best years of my life. Twenty Two years ago, I swore i'd never pick up a comic book or watch a geeky movie ever again. This a result of having something I held dear ripped away from me. The scars of that year still fresh. But like all scars do, they healed, and though their memory still lasts, I became a stronger person from it.
When I returned to the geek life, as I call it, I entered the water like a frightened child. Once a 3 foot deep swimming pool, geek culture had massively expanded into a bottomless ocean, one in which i'd need more than a canoe to navigate.
When I started working Cons, I again felt like a small fish in a giant sea, but this time, a community had helped me grow and I am forever thankful for it. I look back at those exciting few minutes before the doors would roll up, and the thousands entered the halls, as us being the Knights of King Arthurs court. We were in Camelot. A place where heroes go before fighting evil. And even though we weren't fighting evil, we at times, fighting an epic battle.
While to some it may seem silly...to be this bent up over a job that consisted of maybe up to 15 days a year. You don't understand what it truly means to share the field of battle with some of the greatest people you will ever meet.
It was Zach Braff's character J.D. from the show, "Scrubs," who once said, "Endings are never easy. I guess I build them up in my head so much they can't possibly live up to my expectation and I just end up disappointed. I'm nto even sure why it matters to me so much how things end here. I guess its because we wanna believe what we do is very important. That people hang on your every word, that they care what you think. The truth is you should consider yourself lucky if you get to make someone, anyone - feel a little better...and even though it felt warm, and safe...I knew it had to end."
I am incredibly sad that this had to end. I'm tearing up as I write this...but I am so, so, so happy I got the chance to live it.
Thursday, June 19, 2025
Luke's Very Excellent Don't Die In The Heat Tips!!!
Hey everyone, it's your favorite weather geek, back to entertain and enthrall, while informing and protecting you all, because no one watches the news or weather nowadays due to the fear of, well...just everything. Really.
Now keep in mind, I am not the official, final word on weather, nor am I an authority. My training comes from years of studying, watching forecasts & some experimentation. I am a registered storms spotter with the National Weather Service, but am NOT an employee.
At the end of the day, I am a highly informed, good looking, single, educated weather-smart individual. I have correctly tracked, and predicted storms in the past, including Hurricane Irene& Sandy. My forecasts, as well as my cooking, have been sought out by many.
Now, with that disclaimer out of the way, the forecast.
Next week, actually this weekend, starting on Sunday, 6/22/25, the east coast, especially the NYC metro area, will be experiencing high temperatures. Thats an understatement.. Tuesday alone, some forecasts are calling for the temp. to be 107 degrees Fahrenheit. Thats 41 Celsius for you...weirdos. Many of us haven't felt heat like this in a long time, especially since the last 9 or so years have felt like 40 years. In fact, the last time NYC proper.(The official weather station is in Bethesda Castle, in the middle of the park, not the geographic center of the city, which is in Woodside Queens, where it should be, but I digress.) was in 2012, and we all know how well that year went.
"But what about the heat index?" You may ask. Well lil Timmy, you idiot, I personally don't buy into the heat index or the wind chill. If it feels like 130, its not, "112 with a heat index of 130." It's 130. I don't care what they say. I don't have a wallet index. I'm not carrying around $5 but I feel like I'm carrying $400. No, i'm carrying around $5.
Now with that fresh in your minds, there are some very important safety tips that you all need to follow, especially you old sacks, and youngins'. Now pay attention, this, unlike airline safety briefings...could save your life, as well as those around you. (You don't have to use your seat cushion as a floatation device, just find the nearest fat person. They'll most likely be wearing a trucker hat.)(if any of you actually wear a trucker hat, I'm not sorry, I just really don't like those things.)
1. Know the Signs of Heat Illness- Heat stroke occurs when the body's temperature rises too quickly, which can lead to death. Y'know, that thing that Keith Richards keeps postponing. Call 911 or go to an emergency room if you or someone you know has the following symptoms:
- Hot, dry skin that's so damn leathery I wanna wrap ya around a baseball with a rubber band and stick ya under my bed to break you in. Congratulations, you look like a purse.
- Confusion, hallucinations, and disorientation (If things look even more strange than they would as an average New Yorker. This shouldn't be too hard to figure out.)
- Loss of consciousness or being unresponsive.
- Nausea or vomiting (Just avoid being in the spray zone yourself first.)
- Trouble breathing (If they sound like Darth Vader, get help. Do not call Disney. Right away that is. Call them later and tell em' how good "Andor" was.)
- Fast, strong pulse.
- Weakness and Dizziness (also side effects of a night out on the town with me.)
- Conserve to prevent power outages. Set your air conditioner thermostat no lower than 78 degrees. (we all know you're a rebel though, and will likely set it at 77. Go you. Being bold and all.)
- Use the air conditioner when you are home. If you want to cool your home before you return, set a timer that turns on no earlier than 30 minutes before you arrive. (again, you're a rebel. Set that timer for 29 mins. Danger, we got ourselves a real rockstar here.)
- Turn off nonessential appliances. This includes the phone charger charger and your electric fly swatter.
- Have emergency supplies on hand in case of an outage. If you lose power, notify your utility provider immediately, 1-800-75-ConEd (752-6633)
- Disconnect or turn off all appliances that will go on automatically when service is restored. If several appliances start up at once, they may overload electrical circuits and ruin your victory. Remember what over-confidence did in Star Wars.
5A. Conserve Water!- In the event of a power failure, take shorter showers, or shower with a friend. Or fill the tub only halfway and save water. Or just don't bathe and enjoy smelling like a swamp for days on end. Also;
- Don't run the tap while shaving, washing your hands or brushing your teeth.
- Fix leaks. Leaky faucets alone can waste 15 to 20 gallons each day. It's called a wrench, its not that hard to learn how to use it, hell the cavemen did it, and they were stupid, just like the Geico commercials told us. Commercials never lie. Hey, why does this Burger King Whopper look like a gray hockey puck??
- Run the dishwasher and washing machine only when full, or use short cycles if available, you don't need a full load for your "who farted?" t-shirt.
- Don't use the toilet as a wastebasket. If you do this, you're disgusting any way, but keep in mind each unnecessary flush can waste two to five gallons of water.
- Install water-saving fixtures including showerheads and faucet aerators if you can, even though it's kinda late now, but I understand. You were buying me a birthday gift.
5B. Put together A Food Emergency Supply Kit Before Resorting to Human Sacrifice-
It should have enough supplies for up to seven days.
- Buy foods that can be eaten with little or no cooking, Trail mix and beef jerky are your friends here. Do you protein, bro?
- Keep food in the driest and coolest spot in your home, like your bedroom. Ohhh!!!!
- Close food boxes and seal cans tightly after use. No one wants to lose salsa.
- Wrap bread(especially Italian), cookies(which really make you look fat, so give them to me.), or crackers in plastic bags or keep them in tightly closed containers.
- Use plastic containers when storing food and buy emergency food in cans, because if there's one thing we've all learned these past few years, plastic is the safest way to anything.
- Store one gallon of water for each person per day.
- Listen to Mr. Freeze & make extra ice. Remember, "The Ice Man Cometh," ...the audience goeth.
- Keep emergency meal preparation supplies on hand, including:
- Disposable plates, forks, spoons and knives, again, have as much plastic as you can. Just enormous amounts of the stuff.
- Paper napkins or towels, because walking around with BBQ sauce on your face is gross.
- Manual can opener, or just, y'know, smack it with a rock,
- Heavy-duty aluminum foil. Not that light duty crap. Enough to make a hat with. The lizard people are coming. Best protect yourself.
- Sandwich or freezer bags for food storage.
- Cooler and freezer packs. Make it look like Hoth.
- If your electrical power is cut off, food in your refrigerator and freezer will spoil. Keep your refrigerator and freezer doors closed as much as possible because no one wants to have their house smell like a rancid butcher or the inside of a Tauntaun.
- Use the perishable food in the refrigerator and freezer first. Steak and Ice Cream for breakfast?!?! It's like college all over again, but without the 6am economics of Cambodia course!
- Another example of food to have does include M&M's. Time to test that slogan, "It melts in your mouth, not in your hands.(Which I can also say does not work as a pick-up line.)
6. Check on people with disabilities and access and functional needs.- In my "Hurricane - Don't Die Tips" last updated years ago, I stressed on checking on your grandparents, but now I should also amend that to include your parents. They helped you become the lovable lunatic you are, so check in on them, and on people with disabilities and those with functional needs.
Heat impacts are also more likely to be experienced among Infants and children, so for those of you who have younglings(keep away from newly appointed Sith lords.) Babies & children up to 4 years old are more sensitive to heat. Make sure infants & children stay cool and have enough to drink. Watch for signs they may be getting sick from the heat.
6A. Never Leave Children Or Pets Alone In A Vehicle- Even for a minute. Ever. EVER. If it's 107 outside, it's gonna be at least 140 inside that car in 3 mins or less, so friggin check, recheck and do it again. If you see that anyone has done this, you, all joking aside, have every right to break a window and get the kid or pet to safety.
Pregnant people are also very sensitive to heat. An increase in body temperature may bring on labor, preterm birth or lower birth weight. Those who are pregnant should stay in a cool place, drink fluids and take it easy when it’s hot. Also, Outdoor Workers...just don't. It's not worth your life or families lives. We can wait on getting the siding done. People who work outside are also at risk during very hot weather. Water, rest and keeping cool can help workers stay safe. Some other tips:
- Wear light, loose-fitting clothes, or if you're like me, go with your birthday suit.
- Put a hat on to protect your face and head. Just not a trucker hat. We already know how I feel about those.
- Use sunscreen with SPF 15 or higher, and y'know what, get a sunscreen that has as few ingredients as possible. If it has more than 3 words you can't pronounce without using Google, put it back on the shelf.
- Limit outdoor activities to early morning and late evening hours. 1PM is the exact wrong time to go for a 5 mile run. Chris.
- The sun’s rays are the strongest between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m., and the temperature is highest between 3 to 6 p.m. on most days. This is the time to bake cookies in your car.
- An area with a natural surface such as grass, dirt or sand will be cooler than one with an asphalt or other impermeable (human-made) surface, which can increase temperatures and retain heat into the evening. Yes, this is the time to roll around in dirt and not listen to your parents.
7. Hydrate- This should be a no-brainer. Even if you're not thirsty. It'll help later. Water, Gatorade(Might I suggest Green Apple?)Do not have soda, coffee or booze(and i'm not just saying that because I don't drink. It is proven that stuff will actually make you more thirsty.)
Some more fun stats for you:
Highest Temperature Ever Recorded in NYC: 106 on July 9, 1936, a year i'm sure we all remember.
Most 100 Degree days in one year: 4 (1966 and 1953)
Most consecutive 100 degree days: 3 July 8-10, 1993 & August 26-28, 1948...hey, I was actually alive for one of those stretches...I think I was at the Jersey Shore
Last time had 100 degree day in August: the 9th in 2001 (103)
Last time had 100 degree day in July: the 18th in 2012 (100)
Last time had 100 degree day in June: the 27th in 1966 (101)
Sunday, May 07, 2023
Musings, part one
Saturday, May 06, 2023
SQ.18
Monday, January 30, 2023
The Hope Box
I have a belief that if you really, truly believe in something, and you really, really, reeeeeally try to make it tangible through any means, you can make the impossible happen.
Maybe I've read too much, maybe I'm still a kid at heart, hell, maybe its my learning disability...but I really need to hang on to this. I've been beaten and knocked down so much that I've gotten used to losing at times, but, I still have hope. And if I can just hang on a little bit longer, if I can endure all this, maybe, just maybe...I can get a chance.
Be steel, be strong, be excellent.
Monday, January 09, 2023
One Thousand Bricks Of Light
It might be cold, I might be tired, but I have to keep going.
I realize going forward that there will be times when the struggle seems harder than others, and days when I feel fine. I know I'll have days where I am alone, unsure, and downtrodden by magnitude of life. But I will keep on going. Random acts of kindness are something that you've proven to me can still drive people. Even the smallest act of kindness inches the darkest day toward the light. Gotta keep movin.
I have been beaten down by life more times than I can remember, yet somehow I've been either too stupid or too stubborn to stay down. I guess I've always been a bit of both, along with a bit of crazy.
I want to shine, I want to be happy again. I want comfort from fear. I want this fire, this engine of hope to rev with better days. There is a fire building, not an actual one mind you, a metaphysical one. It is one that reaches to the depths of despair within the psyche and says, "no more pain. No more hurt."
This needs grow. It needs to thrive. I wake up early and go to sleep late, wasting time. I can't do this anymore. I have to be fighting for better days.
When l wake up I have to remember to work hard for what I want. It's gotta be me who has to take charge and start fighting. I would rather die for what I believe in, for what I want...than to be nothing. I am aware of the fact not many will see this. Just like I know that the people who do see this might think I'm crazy, and maybe thats true, but the day is not won with conformity, it is won with ingenuity and ambition.
Run, walk, crawl. However you it, you need to be true to yourself, and kind to others. If you see someone who has stumbled and lost hope, lost their way...you do the humane thing and get them moving and you keep them moving until they can't. Make them feel worthy, make 1 person feel like 300.
And then remember this. Progress requires constant effort. It breaks, and it builds. Laziness is the blanket of depression. One day, a time will come when all the struggle and hardship, all the tough days and all the long nights will end. One day something small will become something great.
Monday, December 19, 2022
Clinking The Mugs
Tuesday, December 13, 2022
You Mean Santa Wrapped Them
I still found myself writing up a Christmas List this year, despite my being full - on "into adulthood" age. Its essentially the same list i've given to family members for years now with items moved around. I don't want to give the list, but they ask for it, and I can't not do a tradition. I don't like asking for these things. Not anymore. It feels so childish and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. And do I really need anything? No....well...I do need a new vehicle, and I really do want Jessie Graff, but I don't need another book right now. I don't need a potato chip in the shape of Illinois either. But tradition.
This time of year has always been about tradition for me, more so than any other point in the year. This year however, it feels different. It feels rushed, yet simultaneously tiring. Maybe its the crippling depression, maybe its because Thanksgiving came later in the calendar, who knows really? What I do know is that its been a struggle. To get gifts, to cook and clean, and do it with one arm that is just getting used to being used again. Thanks to Dr. Panov.
I struggled so much with a lot this year and lost a lot that i'm just done with it mostly. Somewhat waiting for the year to dump one last surprise on me and then i'm done.
I'm not a fan of surprises usually. they're often bad news loaded, or just not worthy of the term, "Surprise." Then there's always this fear I have that if it is a "good" surprise, I have to react a certain way, and if I don't i've offended the other person.
This is never my intent however, it's just how the Asperger's or whatever I have makes my mind work. I am also fearful of what I perceive to be hundreds or thousands of people suddenly stopping what they're doing to solely focus on me for that moment. And then I just wanna run and hide. That's why I think the people who propose at like...a baseball game or whatnot are psychotic.
That was kind of a long winded explanation, sorry. But hey, meandering exposition is kind of my thing though, I suppose.
So, I don't think i'll be getting any surprises...but the sick thing is, I kinda want one. A good one anyway, just to kinda send the year off right.
I want that surprise Christmas kiss or visit from someone unexpected. Maybe if I get that one victory, even at the last minute, all the failures of the year, all the missteps, all the shit...it won't be as bad.
I need it because i'm worried about next year. Here's where my crazy Asperger's comes out. Or maybe its superstition. Or both.
Years ending in 3 haven't been kind to me in recent years. 2003 - between losing my mom and job, busting my arm twice, and having my best friend desert me, might have been the worst year of my life.
2013 wasn't much better. I struggled with a work/last year of school balance, and lost both my cousin and my uncle.
My father and my aunt are up there in age, so theres the constant fear surrounding them. That will keep me on my toes. Then theres the "Chaotic Evil" possibility. The random bad happenstance, that even me, in my master planner mind can't account for. I can't be in a constant state of worry though. It's not healthy, and it's just not sane. I also just don't like it. I don't like always thinking of what could go wrong and say, "I told ya." I hate being that guy. I wanna kick that guy in the balls.
I want to be the guy who sees good things coming and plans for them. And I hope to. I already plan on getting my "Always Looking Up: The Happiness Project" photo series back up and running, with a new direction and focus in mind, thanks to Dr. Leaver on that one.
I want to at least start a major chunk of the leg-work on the road trip.
I hope to get a bunch more photo projects done.
So theres things I can focus on that are good. I just need to laser focus on them. (Maybe I should get an actual laser too. That'd be swell. Dangerous, but swell. I really thought by this point in our timeline, lasers would be more commonplace, but we as a species have barely learned how to correctly use an air-fryer at this point so maybe we can hold off on the lasers.)
Another thing thats got me down lately is the crushing loneliness. I get that i'm not always fun to be around, with the arm, the Parkinson's, and the fact that i'm so damn hot its intimidating(I'm also literally hot too, I sweat like a fat man staring at a canoe.), but I need to get out there with people again.
Sure people have suggested Parkinson's support groups, and yes, i've tried some of them, and they were full of people literally 40-50+ years older than me. Not much shared experience there. Plus, and this is going to sound...I dunno, picky, or just messed up, or both, you choose, but every time someone brings up one of those groups, I feel like they're either shunning me off, or just saying, "Well I don't know what to do with you, so heres some other shaky stiffs," and thats not for me. I don't like being reminded of what I might became in that way.
I'm not saying i'm above them or anything like that. I just don't want a reminder of, "hey, you're broken." I want to feel like I am still capable of being my old self to some extent.
So then I find myself...by myself. But dammit i'm going to fight it hard. I'm gonna regain that insane but good attitude of no fucks given to the narrow minded ilk. I remember on the first day of 5th grade I drew on my face with magic marker because I thought I was gonna honor Native Americans. In my head it made total sense, and even though it was random, in my mind I was doing the right thing.
I'm a little bit better informed now, and I feel like I can get the same...crux of that message across without the theatricality. But I can and still will do recklessly good. I don't know how, but i'm gonna make things better. Just watch me.
Monday, November 21, 2022
A Hopefully Ever-Expanding List Of Things I Like
To counter the previous list of things I don't like, here is a hopefully ever-expanding list of things I both like and enjoy:
1. The color green(yes it started because of the Green Power Ranger, Jason David Frank, and this is in his honor now. I told him I owned it better and he got a good chuckle out of that.)
2. New warm socks right out of the dryer.
3. A good long run.
4. A nice long, even balanced phone conversation.
5. Tackle hugs. Or hugs of any kind really
6. Going into a movie you're excited to see and yet know nothing or next to nothing about because you successfully avoided all spoilers.
7. Chocolate chip cookies.
8. Our homemade iced-tea.
9. Plowing through a photo-edit.
10. The smell of summer when the sun bakes the wood.
11. Christmas and most of what happens during it...I feel like this might be a list of its own.
12. Fettuccini Alfredo with grilled chicken.
13. Superman with the red trunks and wholesome attitude.
14. Color coordinated Lego models.
15. Cleaning my toothbrush.
16. Going out for a day and not sweating.
17. Lower Manhattan.
18. Key-Lime Pie.
19. Starting a book I know will be good and it is.
20. Diner conversations. I Miss those.
21. DSV Alvin.
22. Having my friends succeed at the things they enjoy. I get a real thrill out of that.
23. The score to "Captain America: The First Avenger."
24. When I remember a quote long enough to write it down.
25. Union Square.
26. That first bite of a food dish you really like but for some reason haven't had in a while.
27. The hottest day in July. Thats when its truly summer.
28. Sand castles.
29. Lava lamps.
30. Watching multiple episodes of "This Old House" and seeing the project really come together.
31. Sweet and sour chicken.
32. Tim Drake's original Robin costume drawn especially by Tom Grummett, Staz Johnson, Pete Woods, Todd Nauck and Jon Bogdonave.
33. Introducing friends to each other who haven't met and them actually getting along. It so rarely happens actually.
34. When someone says exactly what you're thinking...its a really good unspoken connection and a sign you need to keep that person around.
35. When I actually get a phone call from someone I want to hear from that usually doesn't call and its good news.
36. Finishing a Lego set.
37. Swiss Colony catalogs. Maybe i'll actually order something from them this time around.
38. A good Nascar race with lots of passing and no crashes. Good luck ever seeing that happen again.
39. Random internet compliments.
40. That shower right after a beach day.
41. Mount Sinai.
Friday, October 28, 2022
A List Of Things I Dislike
Sunday, September 11, 2022
Erstwhile Warrior
It still hurts. Its still raw.
Those were my thoughts as Taps echoed through the rain in lower Manhattan. Three buglers playing, as they do every year.
I remember when I was a cub scout, we would hear Taps being played to signal the end of the day. This day however, seems like it will never end.
It has often been said that I live in the past too much, that I am nostalgia obsessed and focus too much on memory. This is true, I will attest to that. A few days ago, at a doctors appointment, Christmas was brought up, I forget by whom, but it started a lively, joyful conversation, and recollection of my favorite Christmas. It was actually 2001.
It was our first year in our new home. That, combined with the events of 4 months prior provided a heighted sense of togetherness and joy. Upwards of 75-80 people were here throughout the day, with parking becoming so difficult at times, people had to park on the front lawn, which while spacious enough to accommodate, did result in a rather..."trashy" look.
Our house was decorated with much holiday joy, my mother made sure. It has often been said that, "Christmas vomits" on our house, something I still take a sense of pride in.
This would be one of the final times in which I can recall 3 of my best friends and I being together as a group. In some way, maybe I knew this was the case, because I was adamant about getting a photo of us together. Since then, only one I still speak to, His is a friendship, a bond, nay, a brotherhood I will forever cherish.
I look back on that Christmas with fondness more so than others, if for no other reason than the fact that many since have become increasingly less joyful. Loss of family members, particularly my mother in 2003, grandmother in 2005, cousin and uncle in 2013, have left a gaping hole.
Combine this with my own issues leading to my alienation of many friends...and the holidays have become a lonely, melancholic time of year for me. I am cognizant of this fact each year, yet I persist in the traditions in the hopes that I can once again regain that sense of joyfulness and togetherness on which I took such delight in 21 years ago. I am aware nothing will compare to that day, but if I could in some way bring about a new memory filled with positivity and joy, than perhaps I can finally say I have moved on.
This is not to say I will not remember, for memory is, and always will be a powerful part of my psyche.
Each year on this day, I try to keep my morning schedule as close to that day as I can. This is how I choose to honor those lost. Its my own way of allowing myself to grieve, and to cope. I am certain many find this yearly ritual bizarre to say the least, while others simply wish I would get over it.
To them, I ask, how does the way I chose to mourn matter to you? I try to empathize with as many people as I can. I try to see the world as they see it, this way I can better assist them through their struggles. Sometimes this works, sometimes not One thing I have gathered is that everyone copes differently, and the best way to help that person, is to ask them if you can help.
Though I will admit that over the past few years, this one especially, in the days preceding, I questioned why and if I should still do this.
Today I saw someone hang a flag outside their apartment window whilst in the middle of trip to the pier I was at 21 years ago. They saw me, wearing one of the only remaining, very worn FDNY t-shirts I still have and gave me a thumbs up. I returned the gesture and felt...vindicated. "Perhaps people are still remembering," I thought to myself.
I don't let the memory of the day dictate my life. I no longer carry its weight with me, but I do not simply disavow its existence. So will I return to the pier next year? I'm not sure. There is a whole year ahead in which I get the opportunity to build new memories on.
There is no time limit on grieving. If anyone is aware of that, its me. While I am doing this to honor, I am also doing it out of habit and routine.
Having Asperger's makes routine a very large part of my life. This can be debilitating at times, and occasionally I not only recognize the need to overcome these issues, I do manage to make progress. This is due in part to the weariness of it all, combined with a good therapist.
A few months ago I had brain surgery. It is supposed to give me a new lease on life. Though I am still recovering, I desperately look forward to the chance to make new memories to look back upon. Maybe I will accomplish something heretofore impossible...at least in my mind.
If I could offer you any advice based upon my experiences with this day, it would be this;
Remember that from the bad days, good days and great memories will always prevail. Don't let the negative blind you from the positive.
Saturday, September 11, 2021
After The Dawning Of The Day
Where to begin? It feels like forever, but it also seems as though time has stood still. It's been Twenty years since America had 2,977 souls taken from us. Sons and daughters, fathers and mothers, friends, and lovers. Two decades.
It still in many aspects doesn't feel real. Maybe we don't want it to feel real.
We were transformed that morning into a different nation. A more fearful one and as such, sadly more hostile. It was a sweetly serene cloudless morning that seemed to promise nothing but goodness. A world we still wish it could be. It offered an innocence we would never see again. We were jolted from a slumber to see the heart of darkness. While nothing, not even the march of time can bring back those who we lost on that morning without reason, let the fact we are here now serve as a welcome reminder that throughout our history, our darkest days have always been followed by our finest hours.
And yet, here we are, still asking not to judge others by the circumstances of their birth, or color of their skin, but by the depths of their character. We need to reclaim that resolve to be better that the days following that morning brought. It was a time, however brief, when we showcased the strength of ideals when made real. We showed that what unites can be stronger than what divides us. That we can be beaten only when we stop believing in what we wish we could be.
We were tested and it brought out the best of us. We turned the fire of destruction into a light in the darkness. On that day, we saw total strangers protect us, And now we ask that they protect us again, yet some don't see it that way.
These individuals need to come to a realization that science, education, and humanity can all co-exist for the betterment of all.
Many days It seems as though we can't even survive each other let alone whatever the planet is throwing at us this week. Mother nature is probably pulling her hair out somewhere right now, frustrated at whether or not to unleash another flood before or after this weeks inevitable mass shooting or Darwin endorsed viral challenge.
We need to be better than this. I know we can be. Hell, we've proven we are. It's not about being a sheep, or following a herd, its not about mandatory this or enforcing that. It's about the continued existence of the human race.
Twenty years ago, bureaucrats swore that the toxins that enveloped the city were harmless and not a danger. Scientists steadfastly stated that they were wrong, that it was dangerous and contained unknown amounts of toxicity. Since that day, more than 3,000 first responders alone have passed away.
It's enough to make me want to put my fist through someone's skull sometimes. It's that damned infuriating sometimes.
But this isn't about me. It's not about one person anymore. We're all in this together. We're a team, and its time we started contributing and helping everyone. The ignorance that got us into a lot of where we currently are and consistently repeating that mistake is not the answer.
I don't like to come from a place of anger. It's not who I am. I believe in peace, I want love, and I don't care how cliché that sounds, because that is honestly how I feel. But this constant tug of war between two domineering sides of humanity just wears in the soul till that's what remains. We need to be united in a common goal again.
Today, going forward should not be about aggression or hostility. Today should be the first day of the rest of our lives. A rebirth. A day in which we look back at who we once we're and start looking forward of who we will become.
It has been 7300 days since September 11th, 2001. They have built parks with beautiful monuments with names that slowly stop seeming like real people. They’ve named junior high schools and streets after people. But soon enough it will just be us. We will be the only ones that remember
Let's stop having these tragedies in order to remember people...if that all we can do to honor the ones we loved and lost is be the ones who remember, have we really honored their sacrifice?
Sunday, January 03, 2021
The Kid At The End Of Camelot
Wednesday, October 28, 2020
Yosemite.
I initially began writing this in December of last year, since then, many...too many…other events have transpired. So I've had to make edits, and then more edits, Now we have less than a week.
"It's now or never." I said. So here we are. It’s a much more different place than it was in the fall of 2016. Democracy and human decency were Shattered in one slowly unspooling night of un-reality.
Agent Orange, as I call him, told you that it would be he who would clean up the country, due to the fact that people of another race, "raped and murdered civilians." That was it, his...opening salvo in what has been an embarrassment of incompetence. A never ending and systematic take down of every core ideal that our nation was founded on began almost immediately. From the denial of women's rights to innocents....children, caged like animals, resembling a scene from world war II.
In doing so, he tapped into a side of the country we had long thought left us. A side so vile and disgusting, we’d rather not acknowledge their vile filth. But that’s the thing about locking away bad memories is they come back at the worst time.
So, since then, an all out assault on civil rights has ramped up. Cities are burning. We now have police officers, clad in body armor and carrying heavy assault weapons running on the whims of an unstable maniac. Now the police, Americas protectors, are now feared by many.
It is flat out exhausting at times, to try and count the daily atrocities committed by this gutless scum. One day its taking a blind eye to bounties placed on the heads of American soldiers, the next day, its sending in government agents to fire weapons at peaceful protesters. They are then strafed with a helicopter, in the middle of a major American city, the nations capital no less!
The holder of the office of President of the United States of America is in charge of holding our nations best interests at heart. This...inhumane being has done nothing of the sort, caring only about himself. The president must be ready to compromise and negotiate. Instead, he has chosen insults and bullying. My neighbors son drives a truck with a flag on it that says, "Make liberals cry again." That's flat out bullying. Maybe not physically, but it is mental and emotional bullying.
That is the kind of behavior Agent Orange encourages. Is that what you want to be known for? To attack someone's want to live in our country, to practice whatever religion they want, to love who they want? To be viewed however they want? A country founded on the basis of freedom for all? A country whose land is actually stolen from its natives. We have zero right to say its own people aren't welcome. Athletes and entertainers. Artists and executives. They are all being verbally attacked by this shambling mass of grease. Why? Well for one thing because they, like every normal human being, agree that being shot at or abused because of the color of their skin is not acceptable. So when you get angry at looters…maybe think that the way we treated people before has led us to this. You can anger only the lion so many times till the lion mauls you.
Now, we find ourselves in the midst of a global catastrophe, made worse by the careless attitude possessed by this fool. Instead of picking a fight with an NBA champion, this idiot could focus on finding a cure for a disease that to date, looks to kill millions. Some of whom are even his staff and family. Lives lost, both American and in other nations. The sole job now, the only concern should be stopping this virus. But I guess golf is more important. No, wait, it’s not. This is the only thing that should be addressed by the President right now. THE ONLY THING.
Even after he, his wife, and staff were stricken with this virus, he still defied medical orders. This is due to his unabashed and now certifiably dangerous ego. Do you want to be known as the home of people who don't believe scientific theory is real? Those people who are currently denying countless decades of proven education based on a 5 minute video they saw on YouTube?
My doctors, like every other medical professional, have dedicated their lives to helping and saving others. They have all gone through years of schooling. They have sacrificed family, friends, relationships and sleeping in on Sundays - to ensure they are at the top of their game every day to help save people. Then they go back to school to learn more. They have had more sleepless nights, heads buried in a text book of medical procedures than you can imagine. So while some complain about how vaccines don't work because they "were created as a secret plot to steal my polished rock collection..." they're placing an IV in a terrified patient shaking with fear. Now go tell me how your little, "Drinking motor oil will beat the virus by Frank the bum." video has more sound reasoning.
I Shouldn't have to fear going outside because I might catch something. I shouldn't be going on what is now my 8th month of not being able to touch another human aside from my doctors. This is not how humanity should function, but this utter and complete asshole has made ignorance the norm.
With his regime in power, countless Americans will lose health coverage and die. I could very well be among them, my Parkinson’s alone leaving me as one of the many who bear the title of having a, “Pre-existing condition.” So, essentially, one thing I’m saying is anyone voting for this prick wants me to die. And I get it, I like mint chocolate chip ice cream, and I yammer on a bit, but I don’t think I deserve death. I do like it here, amongst the living, ya know?
Another frightening example of his battle against science was his impulse into forcing NOAA, the agency in charge of the National Weather Service - to issue false warnings about the path of Hurricane Dorian last year. This served as yet another clarion call that he must be regarded as life threatening to Americans and people the world over. The narcissistic freak altered an official weather map out because he refused to admit that he misspoke. Instead, he took a marker to the map, and created a non-existent threat that confused many. This ego stroke likely cost an untold amount of money.
How many different kinds of despicable does this feckless piece of trash have to be until you realize you've been duped? The economy is not better, jobs are not flourishing, and basic civil liberties are actually in doubt.
Removal from office is the only option. This is a move both he and his spineless brigade of yes-men have fought. This despite the overwhelming evidence pointing to the absolute and total guilt of a wretched husk of a human. You've all seen what is happening. Countless hours of footage, and his own damning ramblings are commonplace. These ramblings are very likely tied to a severe mental and cognitive disability. Many high level staffers have come forward painting a picture of a chaotic mess driven by an off the rails, self serving egotist. Nary a week goes by that a new book is released, taking another brick of integrity away.
He has used baseless fears, playing on conspiracy theories to try (and Sadly successfully) brainwash anyone who dares question him and his regime. The fabric of trust between the government and its people has been torn asunder. It needs to be stopped or these same elements of corruption will continue on this course, unchecked for far, far too long.
This is an individual so soulless, so lacking in any morality, that its astounding how he has made it this far in life. What he has been selling since the start are flat out lies. He's preying on the naïve and weak minded. He is toying with the uninformed. He doesn't think you're smart enough to know when you’re being fed alternative, or flat out made up facts to keep some afraid - and to keep him in power.
He supports nazi's and racism. He's slowly pushing the idea that if you're not white, you're not American. This is exactly the way hitler pushed the idea that Jews weren't German, no matter how many generations they'd lived there. He's following the nazi playbook to the letter. He preaches hatred under the guise of, "necessary" change, while change is what he actually fears. When confronted by this during the recent debate, he was offered the chance to deny once and for all. It was an easy answer. Instead, he not only failed to deny, he encouraged violent white supremacist's and militias to take up arms. This very likely led to a near kidnapping of Michigan's governor. This is not change, this is dangerously close to anarchy.
Is that who you want leading our nation? For those who voted for him. I beg of you to take just a moment to look inside yourself and ask, "Does he stand for the same things I do?" Is a man who mocks handicapped people one who I want running the nation? This...man who labels countries, "shitholes", then insults and threatens cities in his own nation, is he the right choice? , a man who brags about sexual assault and ignores science...is that...truly what I, or my children want?" Look within yourselves and question if you really think this is the right track.
The change we actually need is for this regime to crumble at the might of truth and democracy. Throughout history we've seen empires rise and fall, even the highest leaders, ones with absolute power, crumble.
A united nation listens to its founding ideals, one of which he attacks on a near daily basis. That is Freedom of the Press. The free press is not the enemy of the people. It never was. It reports the truth, which is something that terrifies this tiny man. A "man" whose soul was corrupt from the start. I love my country. I would gladly fight for what it should represent, but I, nor any of you should recognize a government that tries to silence its own free press. He has tarnished our image and made a mockery of us on the global stage. He has done nothing but make us a shameful shell of a once great idea.
Thanks to people like him, greed and hatred have poisoned our souls. We need to purge it. The color of my skin, my gender, whom I chose to marry, my ability or lack of ability should not be my defining characteristic, nor should it be anyone else’s. What should we define a person by? The moral content of their character. Yet Agent Orange and his followers have none. No moral integrity whatsoever.
I am speaking as an American. An American who will fight against injustice, intolerance, hatred and fear. It is time for that to end. And it all starts by voting him out of office in a defeat that sends a resounding rebuke to the unethical, immoral hate that he pushes upon you.
This cannot be the new normal. This is not OK. We as a human race should march forward as a society, not regress.
He told you Americans were the greatest people, and at times we were, and I believe we can be again, but we are far from that now. We can get back there, but only as a whole. As one unified, united nation.
I ask you, don't listen to him, this world has room for everyone; but we have to start treating it with respect. Life can be free and beautiful, but we have to correct the course. We must remove him from office, only then can we make inroads not to past good times, but better future times.
He is evil to the core. The only thing that evil needs to succeed is for those are good, and pure of heart to sit by and do nothing. We can make a change, we don't have to take this. We cannot despair. The anguish that is now upon us is the result of the bitterness of a man who fears human progress. He hates forward progress. Only the unloved hate, and this disgraceful psycho is unloved. The power he has taken from the people must be returned. Only then will democracy, hope and liberty return. Don't give into this tyrant, this withered out husk of a man who in truth doesn't care about you. What he does do is collude with enemy states for his own benefit. He is a hollow man with an empty mind, tiny hands and no heart whatsoever.
Our flag was created as a symbol to help inspire us and become a place better than its predecessors. Pitting one American vs. another to the point of which it breaks families...breaks friendships...that is not what this flag stands for. Instead of fighting common evils, this sociopath has us fighting each other. We swore we would learn from that mistake in the past, yet here we are again, facing another civil war. Dignity, honor and justice must see their way to the forefront again. We should help everyone when its possible. The base human instinct should be to help one another. We generally want to thrive in each other's happiness, not wallow in each other's misery.
You are Americans dammit, You are human beings! You can come together when disaster strikes right? Now's the time. You, the American people, have the power to make life free and wonderful. You have the power to make a change by removing this weak minded buffoon from office. Remember, there are more of us than there are of them, more people willing to fight for humility and for humanity. More people who are in the shadows, questioning the ruthlessness of this madman. For you, it is time to step free from the cloak of fear and stand up to fight for what you know is right.
We have a choice to make. We all have the opportunity to be patriots. Will you take a stand? You need to hold them accountable. Doing nothing gets us nothing. I don't care what his brood says. America was founded on one principle above all else. That is that we fight for what we believe in, no matter the odds or the consequences. The problems we all are currently facing can be solved. But we have to do it together. It has been said that a person can do anything once they realize they're a part of something bigger. Well, you are a part of that something bigger. We all are, and now is the time to show it, to become a part of that bigger, nobler cause. In a way it’s built on guile and sheer willpower.
Yes it’s a daunting challenge.
However, with hope, and together, we can accomplish anything we set our minds to, including bringing peace to our society again. In the name of freedom. In the name of Science. In the name of Gender and Sexual Equality, and in the name of Immigrants rights, Black rights, and American rights, we have to fight this. And we have to fight to win. We are fighting for a new day, a new world, one that is accepting of science and love. One that is free from the grasp of this absolute lunatic, this...dictator. We have to fight for a world of reason, a world where progress will lead to the utopia we know we can be. Hate and intolerance? This is not what America stands for. VOTE HIM OUT
